This one was written 18/19th dec 2010.
Nazi
Blonde hair, blue eyes
The symbol of the aryan race.
Masked and smoldering eyes
Stare from your perfect face.
I'm powerless under your rule,
I'm melded by your fist.
For you I'd do anything,
I'd take any risk.
I protect you from every harm
That's in my power to prevent.
And when you have a problem,
I listen to you vent.
Yet I have so little control
Over my own life;
I'm marching to the beat of your drum,
I'm dancing to your fife.
From me you want perfection—
From you so hypocritical.
You always have to be the center of attention,
For you it's just so critical.
You need the eyes of everyone just to feel seen.
You feel the need to rule my heart like a Nazi.
It's a kind of communism,
I give you all I have
Then you decide what I need,
Giving almost nothing back.
I never get any love from you,
That's just not your M.O.
And yet you scare everyone else away,
Leaving me alone.
You make me ashamed of wanting anything more,
A roller coaster of a guilt trip.
I wish your perfect mask would fade,
Your "innocent" facade slip.
Let your mask fade,
Let them see you for what you are.
Under your white perfection,
I bet you're black and scarred.
You break the heart of every girl
That you come across,
Because in your quest, your search for perfection,
You know that you've lost.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Chandler's Song
We pass each other in the hall,
You look my way, I fake a smile.
Same routine, same old game.
I get a "hey", then you walk by.
When I need you, you're there,
And yet despite it all, you can's see what we share.
How can you see me, yet not see?
If you call, I'm by your side.
I'm the only one who's seen you cry.
I want to tell you, make you see,
But I'm afraid of what you'll think when you see me for me,
A lonely girl who wants nothing more than you.
Can you think how much it hurts that before we've even started we're through?
I drive through nowhere, to the small town soon to be my home.
I say home, because "home is where the heart is", and baby my heart is with you.
I don't know why, it doesn't make sense.
Love comes of itself, and my heart breaks when I see how you don't care.
At first you drove me crazy, a jerk who would not set me free.
But at least freedom was a solution, despite the impossibility.
Now I know you, feel your pain.
I love you for so much more, and yet still in vain.
I played my part to well, I think, I almost bought my own facade.
But if you look beneath the smile, you'd see the love, you'd see the pain.
I've tried everything to get you to notice, but you're deaf and blind.
I pay all my attention to you, but do you even mind?
I would give you everything I had to give,
Yet you won't give me the air I need to live.
Can't you see it in my eyes?
Well, honey, here's a friendly warning: What you break, you buy.
You look my way, I fake a smile.
Same routine, same old game.
I get a "hey", then you walk by.
When I need you, you're there,
And yet despite it all, you can's see what we share.
How can you see me, yet not see?
If you call, I'm by your side.
I'm the only one who's seen you cry.
I want to tell you, make you see,
But I'm afraid of what you'll think when you see me for me,
A lonely girl who wants nothing more than you.
Can you think how much it hurts that before we've even started we're through?
I drive through nowhere, to the small town soon to be my home.
I say home, because "home is where the heart is", and baby my heart is with you.
I don't know why, it doesn't make sense.
Love comes of itself, and my heart breaks when I see how you don't care.
At first you drove me crazy, a jerk who would not set me free.
But at least freedom was a solution, despite the impossibility.
Now I know you, feel your pain.
I love you for so much more, and yet still in vain.
I played my part to well, I think, I almost bought my own facade.
But if you look beneath the smile, you'd see the love, you'd see the pain.
I've tried everything to get you to notice, but you're deaf and blind.
I pay all my attention to you, but do you even mind?
I would give you everything I had to give,
Yet you won't give me the air I need to live.
Can't you see it in my eyes?
Well, honey, here's a friendly warning: What you break, you buy.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
True Love
I wrote this one sometime in Feb. 2010
TRUE LOVE
(Vs. 1)
Do you ever get the feeling,
That there’s only one for you but you just haven’t found them yet?
Constantly searching
For the star to light up your night,
The one who’ll come to you and make everything right.
Make you feel safe as he holds you tight.
(Chorus)
I am a believer of true love
You find someone out there, and know they’re enough
For eternity
There’s no one else that could be
You see someone smiling, and suddenly it’s real
You feel all those things you didn’t dare to feel
‘cause you know that there’s no one else that could be
Forever.
(Vs. 2)
Other times it doesn’t work
You laugh and you smile, but part of you hurts
‘cause you know it’s not right.
You joke and you play and you try and you fail,
And over and over again, you hear the same tale
Of a boy and a girl, and happily ever after.
(Chorus)
(Middle Thing)
I don’t know when I’ll find you
But I know what’ll happen when I do
I’ll know that you’re forever,
I’ll stay with you forever
How could you ask for anything more?
(Chorus)
TRUE LOVE
(Vs. 1)
Do you ever get the feeling,
That there’s only one for you but you just haven’t found them yet?
Constantly searching
For the star to light up your night,
The one who’ll come to you and make everything right.
Make you feel safe as he holds you tight.
(Chorus)
I am a believer of true love
You find someone out there, and know they’re enough
For eternity
There’s no one else that could be
You see someone smiling, and suddenly it’s real
You feel all those things you didn’t dare to feel
‘cause you know that there’s no one else that could be
Forever.
(Vs. 2)
Other times it doesn’t work
You laugh and you smile, but part of you hurts
‘cause you know it’s not right.
You joke and you play and you try and you fail,
And over and over again, you hear the same tale
Of a boy and a girl, and happily ever after.
(Chorus)
(Middle Thing)
I don’t know when I’ll find you
But I know what’ll happen when I do
I’ll know that you’re forever,
I’ll stay with you forever
How could you ask for anything more?
(Chorus)
Us
Alright, I wrote this one sometime in January-March of 2009. Enjoy.
US
I was walking through the hall, but he barely even noticed.
I saw him in the hall, but I barely caught his eye.
I thought about his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes,
But he barely even noticed, didn’t think about me.
(Chorus)
Some day, he will know.
One day, he will notice me and then we
Won’t have to wonder if we didn’t find each other,
We will know that there we’re the only ones who could be—Us.
I watched him walking, talking to another girl.
I felt my heart hurting, but I knew inside
I would never, could never, be the only one
Someday it wouldn’t be them, but us.
(Chorus)
I know that he just wants to be friends,
But when I am with another boy or feeling alone,
I am thinking of him and my love makes me whole.
I imagine that he is there with me, and I am home.
(Chorus)
I think about what could be, if he thought of me.
I wonder what would happen if he saw my thoughts
I wonder how he would feel if he held my heart,
And someday I will know.
(Chorus)
Us.
We’re the only ones who could be……….Us.
US
I was walking through the hall, but he barely even noticed.
I saw him in the hall, but I barely caught his eye.
I thought about his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes,
But he barely even noticed, didn’t think about me.
(Chorus)
Some day, he will know.
One day, he will notice me and then we
Won’t have to wonder if we didn’t find each other,
We will know that there we’re the only ones who could be—Us.
I watched him walking, talking to another girl.
I felt my heart hurting, but I knew inside
I would never, could never, be the only one
Someday it wouldn’t be them, but us.
(Chorus)
I know that he just wants to be friends,
But when I am with another boy or feeling alone,
I am thinking of him and my love makes me whole.
I imagine that he is there with me, and I am home.
(Chorus)
I think about what could be, if he thought of me.
I wonder what would happen if he saw my thoughts
I wonder how he would feel if he held my heart,
And someday I will know.
(Chorus)
Us.
We’re the only ones who could be……….Us.
Friday, November 26, 2010
(Untitled Michael)
Aaaaaand another song :) I am so happy with Michael for now, but the other day I was in a melancholy mood, and I was wondering what would happen when we broke up. And it was so sad I started a song about it. It doesn't have a chorus or name yet. I had a chorus, but I decided that it would better fit another song (which I will write shortly while I feel inspired).
(UNTITLED MICHAEL)
(Vs. 1)
I've always worried about
Being on the wrong side of a breakup,
Singing my sad songs,
Wishing we could make up.
But I never imagined what I could do:
That I'd have enough power to hurt you.
(Vs. 2)
I gave you everything you'd wanted,
Now I feel I no more than taunted you,
Holding what you felt you could never have,
Only to break your heart and take it back.
(Vs. 3)
I had a wonderful childhood,Easy even.
Everything I needed, with everyone who loved me.
You were uncared for, unloved,
Left with no self-esteem and such a need.
Was I really right to try to help you?
Or did I only break you beyond repair?
(Middle Thing)
I tamed the beast, I broke you down
So I could get inside.
But when I left, I cut a hole
In your heart, stinging wide.
But I hope, someday, you can forgive me
For being the monster I turned out to be.
I hope someday you'll see the sun,
The light and joy of us, even though I wasn't the one.
And just because the other chorus was awesome, even though it's gonna go with another song, here it is:
(Chorus)
Why do I try? I always fail.
Now everyone will stand and cry "Hail",
"Hail to Queen of Broken Hearts, of Shattered Dreams,
Of the ones torn at the seams
By those who didn't understand.
Hail to the subject-less,
The Loneliest in All the Land."
What have I done?
UPDATE: Okay it is August 18th, 2011, almost exactly 8 months since Michael and I started dating. We've been dating on and off, a pretty rocky (though incredibly amazing, if I do say so) relationship. Today (after a very disillusioning conversation) he sent me a text saying:
I hate you. I hate you so much. How dare you just prance into my life and break me? ("I'd never imagined what I could do, that I'd have enough power to hurt you") ...How dare you leave me bleeding and cold, to preserve your pure thoughts. But at the same time, I adore you because you have brought feelings to this cold fighter. ("I tamed the beast, I broke you down so I could get inside.") You gave me light, but snatched it away just as fast as you came. ("I gave you everything you'd wanted,now I feel I no more than taunted you, holding what you felt you could never have,only to break your heart and take it back.") ...I have also learned that it's best for me not to come to you for help, as it always winds up in more bleeding."
Among the texts were also these:
"I have been down roads you have nightmares about, seen things you only see in movies..." (You were uncared for, unloved, left with no self-esteem and such a need)
"When I tear my heart open and bleed for you..." "Laying here alone and bleeding" ("But when I left, I cut a hole in your heart, stinging wide.")
Michael, I am sorry for what I've done to you. Truly I am. And if you ever see this, don't worry. No one else will. This is a private blog, and only those who I invite can see what's on here. So no one will see the parallels between your message and mine, but you and me. I'm sorry, for everything. <3
(UNTITLED MICHAEL)
(Vs. 1)
I've always worried about
Being on the wrong side of a breakup,
Singing my sad songs,
Wishing we could make up.
But I never imagined what I could do:
That I'd have enough power to hurt you.
(Vs. 2)
I gave you everything you'd wanted,
Now I feel I no more than taunted you,
Holding what you felt you could never have,
Only to break your heart and take it back.
(Vs. 3)
I had a wonderful childhood,Easy even.
Everything I needed, with everyone who loved me.
You were uncared for, unloved,
Left with no self-esteem and such a need.
Was I really right to try to help you?
Or did I only break you beyond repair?
(Middle Thing)
I tamed the beast, I broke you down
So I could get inside.
But when I left, I cut a hole
In your heart, stinging wide.
But I hope, someday, you can forgive me
For being the monster I turned out to be.
I hope someday you'll see the sun,
The light and joy of us, even though I wasn't the one.
And just because the other chorus was awesome, even though it's gonna go with another song, here it is:
(Chorus)
Why do I try? I always fail.
Now everyone will stand and cry "Hail",
"Hail to Queen of Broken Hearts, of Shattered Dreams,
Of the ones torn at the seams
By those who didn't understand.
Hail to the subject-less,
The Loneliest in All the Land."
What have I done?
UPDATE: Okay it is August 18th, 2011, almost exactly 8 months since Michael and I started dating. We've been dating on and off, a pretty rocky (though incredibly amazing, if I do say so) relationship. Today (after a very disillusioning conversation) he sent me a text saying:
I hate you. I hate you so much. How dare you just prance into my life and break me? ("I'd never imagined what I could do, that I'd have enough power to hurt you") ...How dare you leave me bleeding and cold, to preserve your pure thoughts. But at the same time, I adore you because you have brought feelings to this cold fighter. ("I tamed the beast, I broke you down so I could get inside.") You gave me light, but snatched it away just as fast as you came. ("I gave you everything you'd wanted,now I feel I no more than taunted you, holding what you felt you could never have,only to break your heart and take it back.") ...I have also learned that it's best for me not to come to you for help, as it always winds up in more bleeding."
Among the texts were also these:
"I have been down roads you have nightmares about, seen things you only see in movies..." (You were uncared for, unloved, left with no self-esteem and such a need)
"When I tear my heart open and bleed for you..." "Laying here alone and bleeding" ("But when I left, I cut a hole in your heart, stinging wide.")
Michael, I am sorry for what I've done to you. Truly I am. And if you ever see this, don't worry. No one else will. This is a private blog, and only those who I invite can see what's on here. So no one will see the parallels between your message and mine, but you and me. I'm sorry, for everything. <3
Push Me Away
I wrote this one... sometime in Oct. or Nov. 2010. Probably October. But anyways, here.
PUSH ME AWAY
(Vs. 1)
I had a dream you were with me:
You took my hand, you looked in my eyes
And told me that you loved me.
I don't know what to say, it's all I ever want.
But every look and every touch my waking hours haunt.
It's just a bitter fantasy, you'll never see.
The only time I touch you is in my sleep.
(Chorus)
You're never there, you never know
How much you hurt, yet feel like home.
There's always "her", it's never me.
Why can't you ever see?
I'm there for you, you are not
You turn your back to what you've got.
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
(Vs. 2)
I knew you were the one right at the start,
Without thinking or knowing I gave you my heart.
But you throw me away, it's like I'm not there.
After all that I've done, how can you not care?
The dream is over, but I wish I'd never woken,
Because all I'm left with is a heart that's broken.
(Chorus)
You're never there, you never know
How much you hurt, yet feel like home.
There's always "her", it's never me.
Why can't you ever see?
You put me down, you make me cry.
You make me proud, you make me sigh.
How can I get off this roller coaster ride?
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
(Middle thing)
You know I can't say no, so you use me.
I give you all, but you refuse me.
My heart is taken and tightly bound
So if another guy comes around
I still can't love him.
Won't you let me go?
(Chorus)
You're never there, you never know
How much you hurt, yet feel like home.
There's always "her", it's never me.
Why can't you ever see?
I'm there for you, you are not
You turn your back to what you've got.
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
You put me down, you make me cry.
You make me proud, you make me sigh.
How can I get off this roller coaster ride?
I'm there for you, you are not
You turn your back to what you've got.
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
PUSH ME AWAY
(Vs. 1)
I had a dream you were with me:
You took my hand, you looked in my eyes
And told me that you loved me.
I don't know what to say, it's all I ever want.
But every look and every touch my waking hours haunt.
It's just a bitter fantasy, you'll never see.
The only time I touch you is in my sleep.
(Chorus)
You're never there, you never know
How much you hurt, yet feel like home.
There's always "her", it's never me.
Why can't you ever see?
I'm there for you, you are not
You turn your back to what you've got.
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
(Vs. 2)
I knew you were the one right at the start,
Without thinking or knowing I gave you my heart.
But you throw me away, it's like I'm not there.
After all that I've done, how can you not care?
The dream is over, but I wish I'd never woken,
Because all I'm left with is a heart that's broken.
(Chorus)
You're never there, you never know
How much you hurt, yet feel like home.
There's always "her", it's never me.
Why can't you ever see?
You put me down, you make me cry.
You make me proud, you make me sigh.
How can I get off this roller coaster ride?
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
(Middle thing)
You know I can't say no, so you use me.
I give you all, but you refuse me.
My heart is taken and tightly bound
So if another guy comes around
I still can't love him.
Won't you let me go?
(Chorus)
You're never there, you never know
How much you hurt, yet feel like home.
There's always "her", it's never me.
Why can't you ever see?
I'm there for you, you are not
You turn your back to what you've got.
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
You put me down, you make me cry.
You make me proud, you make me sigh.
How can I get off this roller coaster ride?
I'm there for you, you are not
You turn your back to what you've got.
I'm not sure what else I can say,
But I'm broken because you push me away.
(Untitled Nick)
Sorry I haven't posted in a while :)
Here's a song I wrote on or around Oct. 15th about one of my past boyfriends, Nick Seiter. It is, as of yet, untitled.
(UNTITLED NICK)
You gave me what no one else had.
You opened up my heart, then you made me sad.
When the first clouds came, we fell apart so easily.
And the way you are with her, I wonder
Was it ever really me?
Sometimes I wonder if you really loved me.
But yet, if you did, did I love you?
Did I give you what you need, what you deserved,
For all you gave to me?
(Chorus)
How did I not recognize a good thing?
I'm the one that will lose
She's the one that wears your ring.
You broke my heart, then gave me hope
For others that would come along.
You're the perfect paradox.
So though I could say I hate you,
In the end I'll say thank you.
You held my hand, you made me cry,
You made me happier than I've ever been.
You were there, but I was not.
It's not like anything I have ever seen.
I didn't know how to show you my love for you
Like you loved me.
You gave me all, but I denied it.
I hurt you, but you'll hide it.
Then came the day you walked away.
(Chorus)
So here's thank you for those times we had.
The memories are bittersweet, sometimes make me sad,
But when I weigh the heartthrob and the heartache,
What you give and what you take,
I can't help it.
Though I could say I hate you,
In the end I'll say thank you.
Here's a song I wrote on or around Oct. 15th about one of my past boyfriends, Nick Seiter. It is, as of yet, untitled.
(UNTITLED NICK)
You gave me what no one else had.
You opened up my heart, then you made me sad.
When the first clouds came, we fell apart so easily.
And the way you are with her, I wonder
Was it ever really me?
Sometimes I wonder if you really loved me.
But yet, if you did, did I love you?
Did I give you what you need, what you deserved,
For all you gave to me?
(Chorus)
How did I not recognize a good thing?
I'm the one that will lose
She's the one that wears your ring.
You broke my heart, then gave me hope
For others that would come along.
You're the perfect paradox.
So though I could say I hate you,
In the end I'll say thank you.
You held my hand, you made me cry,
You made me happier than I've ever been.
You were there, but I was not.
It's not like anything I have ever seen.
I didn't know how to show you my love for you
Like you loved me.
You gave me all, but I denied it.
I hurt you, but you'll hide it.
Then came the day you walked away.
(Chorus)
So here's thank you for those times we had.
The memories are bittersweet, sometimes make me sad,
But when I weigh the heartthrob and the heartache,
What you give and what you take,
I can't help it.
Though I could say I hate you,
In the end I'll say thank you.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Ashes of Yesterday
Song/Poem I wrote.
Ashes of Yesterday
Little girl, fly away,
Dream big dreams.
It’ll all come soon enough.
Life’s best when you’re young,
So take a deep breath,
Slow down, think, live.
What comes will come, and you’ll be left
To live your life, and deal with the ashes of yesterday.
I see you sitting there,
With a curly head that always in the clouds,
Dreaming of fairies, princes,
And damsels in distress.
The world is glorious, and
Every day brings new chances.
You look forward to being
A “grown-up” with gravity and freedom,
Never guessing the restraints or responsibilities.
Then you’re thirteen, finally a teenager,
And think you’re so important.
You think yourself above younger friends you held dear,
And yet you’re hurt when you’re not accepted
Buy the “older” and “cooler” groups.
You abandon the things you once enjoyed,
Trying to sever your connections to the childhood world.
You try to act older, more important,
Not realizing how unprepared you are
For all that’s coming.
High school comes with a rush and a thrill,
Carrying you in a wave of things
Vying for your time.
Activities and friends become your life,
And he comes: that first boy
Who makes you feel special, a princess.
Even after he leaves, you have a new longing;
You long to grow up, have the opportunity
Not for importance as before,
But to find your prince, your other half
Yet the drama that comes with that longing
Makes you wonder, makes you doubt,
And you wish for the long-gone days of your childhood.
The simplicity and dreams
Which you had so vehemently pushed away
And that are now beyond reach.
Yet you rush to the next thing,
Not relishing what you have
So little girl, fly away,
Dream big dreams.
It’ll all come soon enough.
Life’s best when you’re young,
So take a deep breath,
Slow down, think, live.
What comes will come, and you’ll be left
To live your life, and deal with the ashes of yesterday.
Ashes of Yesterday
Little girl, fly away,
Dream big dreams.
It’ll all come soon enough.
Life’s best when you’re young,
So take a deep breath,
Slow down, think, live.
What comes will come, and you’ll be left
To live your life, and deal with the ashes of yesterday.
I see you sitting there,
With a curly head that always in the clouds,
Dreaming of fairies, princes,
And damsels in distress.
The world is glorious, and
Every day brings new chances.
You look forward to being
A “grown-up” with gravity and freedom,
Never guessing the restraints or responsibilities.
Then you’re thirteen, finally a teenager,
And think you’re so important.
You think yourself above younger friends you held dear,
And yet you’re hurt when you’re not accepted
Buy the “older” and “cooler” groups.
You abandon the things you once enjoyed,
Trying to sever your connections to the childhood world.
You try to act older, more important,
Not realizing how unprepared you are
For all that’s coming.
High school comes with a rush and a thrill,
Carrying you in a wave of things
Vying for your time.
Activities and friends become your life,
And he comes: that first boy
Who makes you feel special, a princess.
Even after he leaves, you have a new longing;
You long to grow up, have the opportunity
Not for importance as before,
But to find your prince, your other half
Yet the drama that comes with that longing
Makes you wonder, makes you doubt,
And you wish for the long-gone days of your childhood.
The simplicity and dreams
Which you had so vehemently pushed away
And that are now beyond reach.
Yet you rush to the next thing,
Not relishing what you have
So little girl, fly away,
Dream big dreams.
It’ll all come soon enough.
Life’s best when you’re young,
So take a deep breath,
Slow down, think, live.
What comes will come, and you’ll be left
To live your life, and deal with the ashes of yesterday.
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